Growing pains

Wake up, check the time
Still ten minutes till the alarm
Rest again? I'll pass too long
Wake, but sleeping still remains my arm
Slept wrong, my neck hurts
Awake I must, regardless, be
What's this, a third growth spurt
Again I become unrecognizable to me
Mirror mirror on the wardrobe
Tell me how I look
Mirror mirror in the bathroom
I washed my face, still look shook
Shower shower, curtain & drain
Clean me of my sins
They straddle down my sides and yet remain
None of it really makes sense
Dry the hair and brush the teeth
The lies I tell, my breath yet stinks
Take the eye-drops and fix my sheets
The abyss is collapse and I'm on the brink
Nevertheless we brush the hair
Put the pants on with the shirt
Button up and put on the watch
It's a marathon, not a sprint
Shoes too tight, feet too large
This world was not made for me
Everything is one-size-fit-all
No matter how varying it pretends to be
Conform and you'll become
Dare and you will break
Only those with luck
For them the mold does break
Different, changed, unique
Yet the same I remain
Marching, pacing, bleak
Time stops for none of my pain
Growing pains
Not the body, now the brain
The cortex upfront is torturing me
It refuses to acknowledge my identity
Tonight I'm imprisoned, tomorrow I'm free
Things I always repeat
Perhaps by repetition I'll learn to believe
I'll never know for certain
My blood is red and I often bleed
Sprinting further and further
It's a sprint not a marathon now
Just need to get through the day
Catch a ride to my destination
Read for the morning, pray
Stare out the window with strange music covering my ears
Stranger yet are my writings here
I write how I think, believe, and feel
I write incoherent thoughts
Growing pains
Tie them all in a knot
They say you need pain to see the gains
And I once believed that entitles me to things aplenty
Only as I grew older I learned
That the pain must be self-inflicted to see twenty-twenty
No pain no gain, but gain isn't guaranteed
Pain comes packaged with the journey
Gain is expensive, pain is free
Yet I pray the pain one day stops
The external kind to say the least
But I know challenges we face
Will never end with me
I'm but a cog in the machine
An exhausted hamster in my spinning wheel
I know not what the machine powers
I'm fairly certain neither did the builders know
I understand it powers something
But it isn't for me to know, only grow
Growing pains they come and go
But self-inflicted they often are
At least in this age, they must be
For me to get anywhere near the horizon I perceive to be far
Set, my sun, the day is done
I've done my deeds and with me they'll come
Tomorrow I'll wash them away as well
Or so I tell myself

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