Envy
I lie awake at night
Deep within the hours in which I should slumber
My health is a mess, my phone alight
Inflicted with a dark, deep desire and wonder
A wonder about the world an its machinations
A desire to become more than the values I hold dear
A wonder as to whether I could ever surpass my limitations
A desire to conquer all my fears
But I am but a man
A man standing within the toil of his own turmoil
A man trying to become more than the metal within his inner coils
I'm barely human, machine I've always believed myself to be
Consciousness received within the depths of my inner DNA code
Some nights I drift aimlessly
There's a ghost in the machine
Some other nights, I'm oh so human
All the sins of my people, personified
I eat, oh so full of gluttony
Unbreakable is my pride
But the worst of them all for me
Is my jealousy and envy
I am an artist, at least I believe
Or try to be
Or attempt to work on my craft enough to become one
But you see, I envy other artists
Not poets or writers like me
Although I envy them, too
But for reasons irrelevant to what you're about to walk through
I wish I could sing
Break my heart out into words on a mic
I wish I could string words together wordlessly with an instrument
I wish I had the musical sense of a maestro some nights
I listen and I consume the art that others produce
I wish I knew how to make what they can make
I know not what it is that guides me
What my shape tonight will my north star take
I wish I could paint a vivid image with more than words
I wish I could fill the air
With strings of colour or colourful notes
I wish I could convey what I feel without having to say so
But I am no more than a mere poet walking among the world
I am human, that much I know
Despite how much of a machine I can sometimes be
Despite how often I act so mechanically
Despite how the ocean ahead of me hurts
And the river on which I sail is warm and familiar
Despite the fact that every storm is cold
Despite the fact that I exhibit so many aspects that are alien
I am as human as a pale imitation of a being who can only understand
Humanity only through the lens of art can be
I studied history and philosophy
Other sciences barely interested me
I abhor the age of technology
Even though it is the only lens through which I see
The world surrounding me
Access to infinite amounts of data has jaded us most
We know what happens everywhere in the world
Within minutes the information is there
But how much of it is true?
Media and information have become so controlled
I fear that you no longer can trust anyone but you
I envy those who could care less
Who can live in the pink, pastel world of theirs
I envy those who are unlike me
They who find humanity to be peaceful and well
I hate humanity with a fiery passion
But I love individuals among ourselves
I don't wish for an armageddon
I wish not for everyone to traverse the gates of hell
I find that hatred is weakness
And love is naivete
I find that romance is fleeting
And that our lands are barred with endless gates
I find that I hate my gatekeepers
I wish they'd open the prisons into open air
At least put the mask back on and try to deceive us
For we all now know what little truth is there
Ravage yourself not in our reality, friend
Find some solace in the tiniest things
Worry about a future no more at this stage
For within this climate there are no wins
Cherish the journey no matter how harsh
At least that's what I actively attempt to do
Join me on my canoe every once in a while
Let me partake in the journey of you
Let me explore the things that make you human
Show me what art you cherish or make
Let me quietly envy your nature
As I wallow in my insecurity and mistakes
You'll never see me break, see
I tell you this so you'd know you're not alone
I'm no perfect being, but a perfect visage
Which I crafted when I was all on my own
Loneliest I've ever been, I created me
Devised a plan and became the man that you see
A wildly imperfect mix of flesh and machine
But I am what I am
So follow me, or don't
I will envy you all the same
As stop, I cannot
At this stage, Envy might as well be my middle name
Deep within the hours in which I should slumber
My health is a mess, my phone alight
Inflicted with a dark, deep desire and wonder
A wonder about the world an its machinations
A desire to become more than the values I hold dear
A wonder as to whether I could ever surpass my limitations
A desire to conquer all my fears
But I am but a man
A man standing within the toil of his own turmoil
A man trying to become more than the metal within his inner coils
I'm barely human, machine I've always believed myself to be
Consciousness received within the depths of my inner DNA code
Some nights I drift aimlessly
There's a ghost in the machine
Some other nights, I'm oh so human
All the sins of my people, personified
I eat, oh so full of gluttony
Unbreakable is my pride
But the worst of them all for me
Is my jealousy and envy
I am an artist, at least I believe
Or try to be
Or attempt to work on my craft enough to become one
But you see, I envy other artists
Not poets or writers like me
Although I envy them, too
But for reasons irrelevant to what you're about to walk through
I wish I could sing
Break my heart out into words on a mic
I wish I could string words together wordlessly with an instrument
I wish I had the musical sense of a maestro some nights
I listen and I consume the art that others produce
I wish I knew how to make what they can make
I know not what it is that guides me
What my shape tonight will my north star take
I wish I could paint a vivid image with more than words
I wish I could fill the air
With strings of colour or colourful notes
I wish I could convey what I feel without having to say so
But I am no more than a mere poet walking among the world
I am human, that much I know
Despite how much of a machine I can sometimes be
Despite how often I act so mechanically
Despite how the ocean ahead of me hurts
And the river on which I sail is warm and familiar
Despite the fact that every storm is cold
Despite the fact that I exhibit so many aspects that are alien
I am as human as a pale imitation of a being who can only understand
Humanity only through the lens of art can be
I studied history and philosophy
Other sciences barely interested me
I abhor the age of technology
Even though it is the only lens through which I see
The world surrounding me
Access to infinite amounts of data has jaded us most
We know what happens everywhere in the world
Within minutes the information is there
But how much of it is true?
Media and information have become so controlled
I fear that you no longer can trust anyone but you
I envy those who could care less
Who can live in the pink, pastel world of theirs
I envy those who are unlike me
They who find humanity to be peaceful and well
I hate humanity with a fiery passion
But I love individuals among ourselves
I don't wish for an armageddon
I wish not for everyone to traverse the gates of hell
I find that hatred is weakness
And love is naivete
I find that romance is fleeting
And that our lands are barred with endless gates
I find that I hate my gatekeepers
I wish they'd open the prisons into open air
At least put the mask back on and try to deceive us
For we all now know what little truth is there
Ravage yourself not in our reality, friend
Find some solace in the tiniest things
Worry about a future no more at this stage
For within this climate there are no wins
Cherish the journey no matter how harsh
At least that's what I actively attempt to do
Join me on my canoe every once in a while
Let me partake in the journey of you
Let me explore the things that make you human
Show me what art you cherish or make
Let me quietly envy your nature
As I wallow in my insecurity and mistakes
You'll never see me break, see
I tell you this so you'd know you're not alone
I'm no perfect being, but a perfect visage
Which I crafted when I was all on my own
Loneliest I've ever been, I created me
Devised a plan and became the man that you see
A wildly imperfect mix of flesh and machine
But I am what I am
So follow me, or don't
I will envy you all the same
As stop, I cannot
At this stage, Envy might as well be my middle name
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