Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

I bled all over the battlefield of my wits
I cried dry tears that the air has never met
I let go of so many fantasies for which I once wept
All I have is the weight which I carry
All I carry are my regrets
Born from mud, muscle and blood
The blood within boils to degrees I cannot fathom
I wish I was more than the sum of my parts
Are people worth more than the actions that they do
Do intentions matter more than the results
Is the world ready to hear the sad ugly truths
Are people defined more by their sadness or guilt
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
From the Earth and back to it we will all go
What matters more than death
Within this cradle of reality in which we surround ourselves
We lie and tell the world we'd outlive our shelves
We'd escape the shells within the world has placed us all
But it's a lie that we always just tell
I am staring at the end of my wit
I wish I could know if it's truly the end
I battled my thoughts
I rambled on and on
It doesn't really help
Talking doesn't help
Friends are there for when I need them most
But I must not burden them
Talking doesn't help
I took actions to remedy
The infractions of my remedies
I meditated upon my visions
I lied to hide the truth
I regret all my decisions
That lead to my current state of youth
I've become all that I've deigned not to be
Dared to become more than I ever dreamed
And so much less too
Everyone I know has beaten me in the race
All my peers are far ahead
Life has left me hanging by
And I'm holding onto the thread
I wish to not lose the plot
I wish to learn more about myself
I think I've done all I can
Now it is time to seek the help
But what help do I deserve
With all the mistakes I've once made
I'm an addict to my regrets
Of my future I am afraid
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Who will dust my ashes when meet my end, I must
Who will be there to witness
The tomb in which I'll be buried
Who will see my body rest
While my mind's still full of worries from beyond my death
My soul will observe
And if no one were there
Because I either pushed them away
Or outlived them all
I'll understand
But I will still regret
I know why I do what I do
I have a justification for it
I hate what I've become
But I must've done it
Or else I'd not live
At least that's what I think
Not within this world I found my calling
Not within this world I've found my hope
I live within the imaginary
That thing I've built within my mind to shield me
I live within a sanctuary
A fortress I've designed to protect against all my fears
And yet I dare to brave the moat
And go outside within the ferry
But I've done so less and less
I hope my guests haven't forgotten me
I'm always here to lend a hand
Even in my most broken of states
I'll find the strength to hear your words
Even if I cannot find it to fix my mistakes
I'll dare beyond my strongest bonds
That which still ties me to this place
If all I am is worries and regrets
Then let me be a lesson
Don't let me go in vain
I wish to teach more than I've learned
I wish to spare most people this pain
I wish to become a shield for others
But I know some things one must handle on their own
I know I can't shield them forever
I know some things cannot be learned, they must be known
Firsthand experience teaches much
Much more than I ever could
Some regrets we all must carry
Till the end of our own little worlds
Maybe the end will be a beginning
A new start for a different soul
Maybe those who witness me
Will learn from my mistakes and all
All the lies I tell myself
In hopes, no
In dreams that I've done some good
I pray to God to spare my loved ones
Make me die alone after them all
I can handle death, we're all old friends
But I don't really know
If I can truly survive being all alone