Fever dreams & Hard truths

Fever dreams & hard truths
Reality and escapism
Survivor's guilt in my youth
Duality and wild schisms
There's a limit to which I can handle things
Or at least there used to be before
Nowadays my other reality is so strong
In the back of my mind it always lives on
I'm always daydreaming
I always have home fever
Even when I'm there
I have no real home
My home is on the trails
I chased after my own perceived truth for many years
I couldn't face what reality had for me
I couldn't look upon myself in the mirror and accept what I see
I was a poor wretch
A self-loathing man of inaction
I try and try to switch it off
I succeeded. For years, I produced barely any reactions
My senses were so attuned to non-existence
Reality itself wasn't real
I perceived my life from the third person
There's barely much I could feel
I stare upon this past image
A poor visage
I shake my head in disappointment
Not in him, but in his weakness
I wish I could take his hand, you know
Or at least show him the world could be
I wish I could help him grow
Let him understand reality
Fever dreams & hard truths
I accept what I am now
One does adapt, and life does get better
When the night was darkest, I looked upon the stars
When the life is at its wildest, I prayed to Allah
When I could bear no more, I almost gave up
God, how thankful I am I did not
I live in a fever dream constantly
But not a bad one, I must say
Just one of my own making
Things that are real are accepted
Things that aren't are my creations
In my reality, things aren't perfect
They're simply something that I can bare
I frame things dramatically and end them
For without my ferry how could I fare
Fever dreams & hard truths
One must accept his own limitations
To surpass them and become greater
Within the themes with which I soothe
All those who come before my crater
I point and share my story
I pray that my suffering was not for naught
I hope they learn from me
That they, too, can bare their flaws
If I had not known inner conflict
If my inner war did not rage on
How could I learn to embrace peace
If I didn't wallow in my misery
If I never allowed myself to grow
I could never be as free
Fever dreams & hard truths
The truth is I still know not who I am
But I'm discovering him slowly
I know I'll never have a full answer
But for now, at least I know me
I look in the mirror and I approve
Warts and all
I stare in the face of my hard truths
With faith I face them all
Crawl and thrash against gravity
Wrestle reality much as I like
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
But the road to redemption? That's paved with acceptance

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