Dear Yusuf V

I'm not you
Not at all
I'm different from
All that which was
The fever dreams you once had
I've accomplished
Some at least
The hopes for the future that you had in our past
I've abolished
Some at least
Oh, the naïveté
That could lead a man to believe
As you once did
That could clog a man's sight to perceive
The things that went wrong
I don't hate you, don't get me wrong
I just believe I am better
And yet
Despite having evolved to grow
Your shadow grows with me
You were far more likable for some reason
You made friends easily
Those who knew you cared for you
There was a beauty to your wounded wings
Now I can fly
And with that comes pride
Is it unfair for me to feel proud of myself?
I've crossed many roads
Rivers within boats
Sometimes I was a passenger
Often I was the one with the oar
So I wonder, my dear boy
Why is it that they liked you more
I don't begrudge you your companionship
In fact I wish I was more like you in that regard
But all I can see that's truly different
Is that wounds did heal, but now I bear your scars
I'm proud to wear them, don't get me wrong
I'm happy to have proof I did survive
I'm happy to have proof that I am strong
I'm happy to have seen death
Because it taught me to treasure life
You were once a broken bird
Flying with one wing alone
Crashing constantly
Almost broke your other wing too
Then out of the window flew
But thankfully they were there
And they stopped you
Today I am you
Today I am broken through
Tonight I fear
I'm becoming my worst fears
Wounded, broken, vulnerable
The wall is skipped
The flood is coming
There shan't be rest
Find me laying in our favourite garden
Stargazing again
Staring upon her up there
Or at least what I perceive to be
Her visage looking at me
She missed our performance
She missed our first steps into adulthood
She also missed our disappointments
She missed all the results that could
Happy she's resting, sad she's not here
I'll hold you close nonetheless, have no fear
I'm present when she's not
So treasure my presence, oh little one
Don't dwell on all the things we once did wrong
It is no more your duty to run
Plant your feet and stand firm
Show me that soldier's grit
I can do it, so can you
Chin held high. No regrets
I'm not you
I'm older, more mature
I'm all the things that are wrong with us two
You're all the right ones I'm afraid
I healed and gained scars
You've healed and lost the weight
I've grown to detest from a far
You've not grown an inch since that day
And that's okay
Fear gripped you before
It shan't anymore
For I'm here
I'll save us from the big bad wolf
Just follow my directives and trust me
Of our survival, I'll make sure
But I see her still
Floating in the horizon
Staring upon her kid
I hope she knows I'm taking good care of him
As certain as the sun's rising
I'll do my best
I am here, I swear it
So be not afraid
Though sometimes I wish your gleeful innocence was on my face
I know why I have to be this way
Though sometimes I wish people's immanence were not a race
I know that by myself I can't break away
But I'll find a way, and if that doesn't work I'll pray
I hope you know I love you
And I care for you more than you could ever know
But I'm a bitter old man without your spirit residing in my soul
Bring out your joy once in a while
Let us revel and dance and sing
I love you, my dear child
I'm our sad autumn. You're our blossoming spring