Monolith

 I'm standing in this field
Like a monolith
Lonesome in my steps
Unmoving, unbound
Chained to my grounds
But capable of breaking these chains
Whenever I just utter the words
All I need to do is say
And it'll be so
And yet I stay
Loyal to the grounds on which I stand
Like a monolith
Unshaken, grand
Gaze up to the sky
The stars greet me
I wish I were up there with them
My stars, that is
Those whom I still love
Those whom without, I'm lost
I'm still standing, though
Like a monolith
Unfettered, boundless, endless
Yet all know where my start and end is
My peace of mind doesn't come easy
It requires a great price that I pay
For I am ever alone in my field
Lonesome till the end of days
I wish I could be... more
More than what I am
I wish I could offer the world
That which I know I can
Or one day could, at least
Yet I'm standing, still
Like a monolith
Unmoving, still
Wish I could leave this earth
Stagnation is a hell of a disease
The world around me is moving
Yet I'm still here
They're all evolving
Yet I'm still... me
You know you're truly stuck
When they all move forwards
When they all move on
When your friendships are null & void
When the darkness does creep in
You know you're turning back
Into that monster you buried so deep within
The monster who was an angel to most, somehow
They view you as a strange apparition of the one they liked before
From an angel to a demon, because you chose
To stay alive
Would it have been better
To tragically die?
The bittersweetness of survivor's guilt
Staring at a mirror as I see myself
Standing
Like a monolith
I am truly happy for the first time in many years
Yet
I've lost most of those among which I once did feel
That I belonged
I'm lost in my thoughts
They're standing still, too
I wish it was different
But it's not
Make it different, I cannot
I'll see you on the other side, mother
Hopefully, at least
I hope I've made you proud
I'm chasing my dreams, mother
Trying to smile and stay happy
I truly wish you were still around
You still show up in my dreams, you know?
I wake up and wish I never did
Because you were alive in there, with me
Because I knew
That when I'd feel lonely
I could run into your arms
Because in the dream, you were real
More real than anything that I see with my eyes

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