Moving on

 I need to move on
I need to learn
My very existence spurned
That which I've never earned
I am dawdling
Strumming my fingers across my throat
Feeling the voice escape
Speech has become so damn hard
Always afraid
Saying the wrong thing or,
making a mistake
Offending or hurting those
For which I care
And oh, my dearest me
I am still stuck here
But they, well
They're moving on
I am in the rearview
Getting smaller and smaller by the day
And oh they don't know
That I am stuck here and I cannot
Move on
My whole body shivers
My eyes water up
But my upper lip stiffens
They'll never know what's up
It's a conscious choice, really
To never speak or say a word
I am the exhibit A
Of sabotaging my own world
Yet, it'd sure be nice
If at least one of them didn't pass by
It'd sure be nice if I am no longer the ferryman
Taking those which I care for
From drowning
Back to the other side
Occasionally I'd visit on my boat
But often they're not on the shore
And I cannot
Move on
So I paddle from place to place
My little ferry carrying all my pain
My regrets and my sadness
Feeling sorry for myself
Breeds madness
But I can't help it
I cannot let go
My existence
Is slow
So I move around, hoping to see a hand
Wave itself my way
Beckon me to come back
But that never happens, and yet
I'm still here
Me and my regrets
Fuelling my fears
My fears that I'll be in this river, forever
And they
Well
They'd have all moved on

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