Abandon me

 My mind's pillars breaking in upon themselves
An earthquake has shattered this place yet again
What was the cause, or the reason?
The earth did not shake with hope
It shook with treason
Treason from within, the thoughts controlled
Something rebelled and broke
Was it you, fear?
Was it you that broke the sphere?
Or was it doubt and the endless crying about
Disregarding all that is holy
Confused with what you told me
I miss those who used to be here
With me
I miss them oh so dearly
And I am reminded of them every single time
This place shatters
Oh I wish I could see them as clearly
And as sincerely
As they claimed that they saw me
But I don't understand if they really did love me
Then why would they
Abandon me
I look outside the window and I remember my mother
I remember all the fun times we had with each other
I remember all the yelling and all the fighting
I remember how she never deserved a child like me
And I blame myself sometimes for her death
I became oh, so quiet right then
And I still am to this day
A shattering event that broke my faith
I try sometimes to remember my father
The old man who's passed away, many years ago
This year he'd have been around sixty-something
Maybe early seventies
I still find glimpses of him
Between the personifications and similes
I still reminisce about what he once meant to me
And what he does now
I wonder where his soul floats
And where he is now
Time flies, like boats upon the sea
Like the birds of the sky
Like the metallic horror machines we've built before our eyes
Like the souls that were once here before they died
Like my mother, and my father
Like younger self and my self-perception
Whenever the shattering occurred before again and again
And I broke apart piece by piece
Wondering, oh so wondering
Why did they abandon me
I made a friend, and loved them
Loved them so much
And they broke me when they left
They shattered my heart
For the first time I felt heartbreak
The source of which was not God
And I questioned my existence
And blamed myself for my thoughts
I was unsure of whether or not
I was worthy of happiness
Worthy of friendship and love
And yet I kept moving on
Right after they abandoned me
And yet, I found salvation
A new light upon the horizon
The source of which was partly me
Partly the light itself
I locked hands with my light and promised
Never to sway away
I swore I belonged to them
I swore I'd accept being afraid
And yet, that light hasn't yet left
I accept that they have their own regrets
They're like me, nearly human
They get mad and they get upset
About the smallest little things
And yet they're so beautiful
And shining and bright
They reflect upon me their beautiful light
And I try my best to reflect mine back
But a small part of me, afraid, barely intact
Awaits the day when
They'll abandon me, too
Just abandon me, my dear light, like those before you
Breathe and walk away
I promise I'll forgive you
But I might blame myself
If I'm no longer with you
You're my ally and my friend
My lover through this fire
And if our hearts are in the right place
Than we shall never invoke each other's ire
So please, my dear
If you'll do it down the line
Do it now and pull that knife
I promise I'll remain your faithful knight
Your warrior through the ages and the years
I promise you, I will never give into my fears
And I will go on living, surviving
Eventually, maybe even thriving
But I will always remember this
And I'll never forget
What it has once meant to me
To my soul
That I belonged, truly, to a light
Which came both from me
And from the beyond