A year or so later

 Staring
Tearing at the seams
War-torn, broken
That used to be me
Here I am, staring yet again
A year or so later
Here I stand, starting to begin
To believe in a future
A future where I'm alive
And free
Oh, I've been on survival mode
For years
Stabbed in the heart
In the back
Still walking
With the spear within me
Still intact
And I breathe deep
I let out a sigh or two
Something broke within me
What, wish I could know
All these mirrors, and the smoke
All the tricks my mind does play
All the lies and all the tropes
All of me is, of me, afraid
And yet here I am
Here I stand
A year or so later
Oh the things we've done
Together
Hand in hand
All of you with me
Letting me lead
The voices that speak
And dissuade them
Maintain their peace
My thoughts were running like a stream
And oh, my dearest me
How much I've let you down
How hard it is we find
Making ourselves proud
How sheltered I truly keep you
How reclusive I really am
Wish the world could understand
I still am that broken little kid
Nine years or so later
Her ghost still haunting me
Wish I could evade her
But I can't
She's all of me
All that I am
Losing her hurt so deep
Wish I could understand
How people truly let go
How the world truly keeps spinning
Despite all those souls
That left this world crying, or grinning
The cycle of life and death
Is no cycle at all
A wheel that's getting bigger
With no control
Those who are once lost
Are never, ever found again
Those who are born
Will once be lost as well
Death is the only truth
The only constant that we've ever known
What comes after is a mystery
The fear of which has only grown
Maintain your composure
I say to myself time and time again
There is no such thing as closure
Yet I seek it all the same
And yet
Here I am
Here I stand
A year or so later
Gazing upon my darkened past
Fallen
Broken
Crashing
Within a crater
For just how long will I last
A question I'm not too keen on answering
The devil might truly have the last laugh
That part isn't even worth mastering
And here I am
Two years or so
After I started this here project
And wrote
Wrote my pain and worries away
It helped
For a while at least
It helped ease the pain
But the loss never really wears off
The sorrows never truly break
So I remain
To the past chained
Mistakes upon mistakes
Errors everyday
Mirrors that reflect them
Thoughts that run away
Non-confrontational as ever
Just a scared little animal in the wild
Caught within the snares
Of being aware
Of his own coming demise
Being conscious of one's existence
Is truly, undoubtedly a tragedy
Yet trying to justify or explain
Is no more than a fallacy
It's a strange equation
A sealed spell, difficult to break
Yet here I am
Here I stand
Twenty-two years or so later
I'm still afraid just the same

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