Coming back home

What is unknown
What will the future hold
What is the world
What does each person certainly know
All that shimmers is not gold
And I don't understand
What it is I was searching for
But I got lost
Oh, I am lost
Can't find the way
I'm not
Coming back home
I lost all that I trust
The people I've loved
The ghosts of the dead ones
Haunt me to this day
And I am still afraid
Still insane
Uncontained
Losing my grip on myself
Reality is so strange
The world around me is
Unkempt
An unbridled rage
Within me contained
Ready to be unleashed
Only if I could be
Free
But I am lost
And I am not
Coming back home
I am a little stranger within
I am inside my room
Sitting upright
Atop my bed
Not content
And in the darkness I am awakened
By thoughts of things that I've forsaken
And I do not know
And I will not care
I am on my bed
Yet lost I am forever there
Unable to get up
Unable to fall asleep
Unable to end this storm
Growing inside me
Insane I have become
And the sanest man is me
And the world all combined
Will never be set free
The grip of the darkness
The shining light in the distance
The sun that's rising
Indicating the timing
For me
To try to find my way
And return back home
If only I knew what awaits
Me beyond the horizon
I wish I was
A little more than a nomad
A wanderer that wasn't lost
A true, knowing man
With strength within
That grows not from weakness
A fire burning
I wish I could appease it
But don't worry, mother
For I shall return home to you
One day I'll know how
And I won't fear
The truth
I wish I was more
I wish I was real
Just an apparition
A history that's smeared
Smudged, can't remember
All drowned in trauma
Trauma that I've suppressed
Between my dad and my mama
Between the times of pressure
Between the times of peace
Between all the breakdowns
And the PTSD
Between all the lines
Lies the way back home
Back to me
The old me
The one who was happy
And was ready
For every situation
Not so cripplingly scared
Terrified even
Afraid
You tell me, friend
Tell me who I really am
Am I the man who dedicated his life
To saving others
Am I the ferryman?
I used to think so
A little job I did
Taking people from place to place
And vanishing in the end
Bringing them to safety
Away from their own storms
Do my absolute best
To calm their souls
And mend their broken hearts
But who'll mend my own
If not me?
I'm no ferryman
I can't even sail
If I could I'd have crossed the oceans long ago
If I could I would not flee
I'm just a pretender
An extension of a mistake
That has lingered
On for far too long
What is so great about me
What have I ever achieved
I ask myself these questions
And cloud myself completely
I wanna come back home
I wish I could return home
I have taken the decision
Of walking North
Until I find a landmark
Something to remind me of the way
Thinking of all the trauma
Of every mistake
And I promise you
I promise, my dear
I'll come back home to you
I'll come back right here
Coming back home
I'm coming back home
I'm returning to where my heart is
I wish you could mend my soul

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