Quiet

 I'm no longer a man
Who's worth fighting with
I'm not even a man
So don't fight for me
I'm not even worth your time
To even fight me
For I've already given in
Given up
Defeated from within
Stuck
I'm always quiet
I barely ever talk
Yet I'm always defiant
With every step when I walk
I speak the truth in lies
In every word when I talk
Something within me lives and dies
With every day that I wake
Every mistake that I make
Every error in my judgment
And every err in my abundant
Stories which are fake
I tell you lies upon lies
And in the middle I speak truth
I tell you of wars I've survived
In my days of youth
See my dear I'm an old soul
Old enough that I was never whole
I'm what people tend to call
A quiet walking shadow
A masquerade
A gun without any ammo
A sword with no blade
Darling there's no fight left in me
There's nothing left to take
There's no real victory
In fighting off my snakes
My inner demons
They will haunt you too
And I can't let that happen
To you
You see I can't get attached
Falling in love is a genuine mistake
I'm vulnerable, detached
The remains of an earthquake
I'm still in love with someone
Who's abandoned me years ago
Left me to mourn my mother
As if I never did so
And I understand why she left
I understand why she had to go
I get the reason behind it
Even if I don't like it at all
But she was correct to leave
The damage was done
But she tried to salvage me
For the sake of everyone
She was my closest friend
I thought we'd be together till the end
I'm still in love
That part is true
I still write poems about her
And she has no clue
She was such a rare specimen
Even among the few
God, she was always listening
To the things I wished to do
I was dreaming of a life
Taming with her presence
My dreams were really rife
I'd have showered her with presents
But it would've never been
A true love
For I was obsessed
More than enough
The problem here was that I was
Easy to trap
And she learned that
Much later than she should have
She realized I was ensnared
By a love I couldn't have
A story that I had faked
For myself so I could laugh
So I could smile and be happy
So I could believe I had some worth
A toxic, poisonous obsession
With having nothing on this Earth
Nothing but her around me
And that was a lie as well
We were no more than friends