Memories

 I stare the memories I've created
The childhood which I've had
I cornered myself into a screen
And I barely remember the facts
All I know is I remember nothing more
Than short term memories of games and moments
Which barely left an impression on me
And I'm still doing so today
And I think I'll keep doing so till I fall
I have no real moments in my past
Barely any to speak of
I have no memories to think back to fondly
All I did was escape my world
Reality was never something I faced
And whenever I had to, I'd always retreat
And when the going got the toughest
And I mean the very toughest
I'd wish to end myself or flee
So I am sorry, my dearest me
I apologize for wronging you so
I wish I made more memories with friends
I wish I was more present in the past
I wish I made more memories with family
The people closest to myself, although
I took their existence for granted
I never really thought of them as more
I wonder what lies beyond the next corner
What coin toss will determine my fate
What I'll have to face the coming morning
What risk-free endeavor I'll take
What things I'll avoid because they scare me
And terrify the little child within
The one that never grew up to be
More than a kid staring at himself
Playing games and reflecting his story
Trying to escape in the veil of a new character
Only to plant pieces of himself in their worries
Giving each of them new battles, he knew
That they'd barely be able to brave them
And he knew they mirrored his soul
The battles of warriors and lovers to him
Were no more
Than a figment of imagination
Something the writer paints and draws
Sculpts with words and captures with letters
And between the lines is the truth of it all
They are no more than a false creation
To him, he failed to comprehend
What this universe has to make him happy
So he chose to be depressed until his end
And his depression will be his end
Should he not move away from that route
A soulless mindless emotionless robot
Thirsty in a drought
However surrounded with water he is
He runs from it, thinking he'd drown
Or electrocute his fragile exterior
And all those around
His memories are corrupted
Some deleted, some archived
Some hidden so far in his data storage
He has no idea where he can find
The truth of a lot of incidents
The memories speak sublime
Words of sweet nothingness
His memories with his soul have died
A spirit walking the lands as a shell
But there's a ghost somewhere in there
Yelling, screaming, begging to be
Set free from itself
A walking amalgamation of flesh and bone
Refusing to do more than what's asked
Asked to do more than desirable
So it wears a mask
Pretends to be the best at what it does
Pretends to excel, so and so
Pretends so much, that it becomes a new character
To control