Phoenix

 I'm reborn everyday
Barely do any work everyday
Fighting with my thoughts everyday
Medicating my soul everyday
Regretting anything I said everyday
Not sure how much longer I can stay
In this state
Like a phoenix, I burn myself
Hoping to be reborn anew
I work a little bit to an end
Wishing I had some clue
From the power high above
I ask for guidance a lot
Praying that I learn what to do
But in my current position
I have no idea where to go
I am my only opposition
So I don't really know
Why am I on a mission
To prevent the flow of my own boat
I walk and walk and take steps
Simultaneously I sabotage myself
I worked so hard as a little kid
Had to learn how to control my temperament
Even went to anger management
Now I know how to keep
 This energy concealed
Within me as I breathe it
In every word I speak
I try to fulfill my needs
But I slowly build up this heat
Within me
And I try to maintain control
Over this burning soul
I ache and ache to move forward
God is the witness of these words
But the heat envelopes me every year
And by the end of it come winter
I burn up brightly into cinders
And try to be rebirthed a new
Resurrect myself out of the blue
Heat myself up in the winter cold
Heat my soul through the winter blues
And in my rumination I learn a lot
And try to teach myself the lessons
That life threw at me at every turn
I just really wish I would listen