Dear mother

 Dear mother
I write to you now
Because I don't know what else to do
Or where else to go
The world down here is awful, mother
I never imagined it was this bad
I never imagined I'd have to fight with everything
With myself, my future, my friends, my family
I could've never thought you'd be gone so soon
You were the light in my life and ever since you passed
It's been dimming, slowly
But dimming
And I feel like it's all gone now
I feel like there's nothing left of it
I pray for you mother
Not often
Not as often as I'd like to anyways
But I do pray for you
I pray that you're in a better place
I pray that God doesn't judge you for my mistakes
I pray that I get to see you again
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time
And let you hold me in your arms
Wash away the pain
Sometimes I fail to remember your face
That last part hurts the most
I wish you were, mother
I wish you were with me now
But I can't change the fact that you're not
Sometimes I dream that you never died
Sometimes I wish I could still look you in the eyes
I regret all of mistakes, the lies
I regret not showing you I loved you enough
I regret all the rebellious actions
I regret acting tough
I regret not apologizing
I regret the fact that you passed away
When the two of us were fighting
Sure, we made up in the end
But it didn't feel true
It's like you always knew
That the end was near
Like you always knew
That my biggest fear
Was about to become true
It's like you always knew that
I'd never forgive myself if we never made up
I miss you, mother
I really do
I hope you're smiling down on me from where you are
Although I doubt it
Because honestly, look at where I am
I'm a failure in everything I do
Nothing seems to work anymore
And I wish I could replace you, but I can't
I regret never appreciating you enough
I regret taking you for granted
I'm sorry, mother
I really am
I am so sorry, mother
I truly am