Crash

 Woke up in the middle of the night
With my mind I'm in a constant fight
The higher I fly
The harder I crash
One day the sun
Will turn me to ash
And I will fly high
Till I reach
The end of the sky
Flying past
All the mistakes of my life
All the mishaps of my timeline
Awake and asleep at once
Never feeling rest
Ready to breathe for once
Never worry about what's left
And I cross my arms walking
Afraid to let them go
Flailing about
In the flow
Of the wind
Staring out the window
And I know
Oh I know
This is all
My fault
I walk a path of regret
Worrying about where my time was spent
And in the end
I worry about nothing at all
Wishing I could burn it all
I fly
I crash
I die
Become ash
Live my life
Cry at night
Never asleep
Awake for longer than
Anyone can
Imagine
For my heart beats
Loudly in my ears
And I try
Really hard
Crashing
With a smile on my face
Imagining
How much of a disgrace
I must be for the ones
Who care
In the end
Who really cares?
No one, not even me
No regrets, no fears
Letting go for once
A funny lie I tell myself
At night
When I try to sleep
Can't bring myself to it
So I laugh
Like a maniac
I crash
And I couldn't care less
For how careless I am
And I couldn't be fearless
If I wasn't damned
Damnation, redemption
Heaven and hell
All combined in retention
That's swell
And in the final hours
I realize
It's never the destination
Or the time
It's not when you get there
It's always the climb
Even if I crashed
Nearly a million times
How I turn to ash
Is undefined
Quantified by
People who claim to know the truth
The inner machinations of today's youth
Mental illnesses
Weaknesses
Positive radiation
Instruments
Of our own creation
To serve
Products and placements
Of a modern time
When the world stopped revolving
We were all so inclined
To believe what we were told
Buy as much from what we were sold
And fly as far as we thought we could
That is the system
It's well understood
And I don't mind it at all
Instead
I free fall
Down when I can't flap my wings anymore
With a smile on my face
Unaware whether this is the final crash
Or maybe not
Maybe there is more to this plot
Who knows? Not me
Don't care to try to know

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