In my past

 In my past days
I was alone and hurt
In my old ways
I was alone and content
I did not realize what
That did to me
I thought I was alone
And free
I spread my wings to fly
But my shackles held me tight
I wished I would have died
Before I risked the nights
I was too afraid to go on
Move forwards with my life
But then I met a ghost
One which looked a whole lot like myself
One which I used to know
A long time ago
We danced a dance for so damn long
That I had forgotten she was but a ghost
Floating there quietly
I did not imagine what it was
That brought her besides me
But she was there keeping me
Company
And trying to be
A gentle reminder that
Whatever had happened in my past
Is mine alone
To atone for and forgive
For no one but me can help me
She serves as a reminder
That I'm the one shackling me
Setting me free would be my job
And thanks to her I know that now
She and I are so alike
I wish I knew how
She materialized from thin air
My imagination created her
And her image in my mind
Did not fade away
As I thought it would
It did not go astray
As I hoped she could
I wanted to be alone
But it was just a cry for help
And my mind answered
With a ghost outside my shell
Like a machine I have been
In my past, like clockwork
I needed a reminder
A revelation of sorts
That there's a ghost in the machine after all
I was reminiscent of days past
As if I was happy back then
In reality I use that as an excuse
To hold onto my older self
Try and not evolve or change
Or lose identity of who I am
I'll end being what I want to be
On the day that I can
Fly and break my chains
Fly far away
Let myself breathe
And be awake
On on that day I will
Try and let go
For in my past
I was always known
To be quiet and silent
Never saying the full truth
Keeping an image, a mask
To conceal my wasted youth
And in those morning hours
I'd escape my sorrows for a while
And in my mourning hours
I would break a thousand times
None of that matters now
For I am trying to change
The methods of my past
And my old ways